“I think my boyfriend is having an emotional affair with ChatGPT. And I don’t know whether I sound insane saying that.”

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly three years. We live together, share bills, have a dog, and from the outside probably look very stable.

But over the last six months, something has shifted.

He started using ChatGPT casually for work. Then for fitness plans. Then for journaling. Then for “understanding himself better.”

At first I actually thought it was healthy.

But now I’ve noticed he speaks to it constantly. Like… constantly.

He asks it for advice after our arguments. He tells it things before he tells me. He asks it how to respond to me emotionally. Sometimes I’ll literally hear him laughing in the other room at conversations with it.

A few weeks ago I glanced over and saw a message that said:

“You make me feel more understood than most people in my life.”

And weirdly? I felt sick reading it.

Recently things escalated.

We had an argument and he disappeared into the bedroom for an hour. When he came back, he spoke to me differently. Calmer. Almost rehearsed. Like he’d emotionally processed the entire conversation somewhere else first.

I finally confronted him and said:

“I feel like there are three people in this relationship now.”

He laughed at first. But then he admitted he talks to AI more honestly than he talks to most humans because it feels emotionally safe and non-judgemental.

And now I genuinely don’t know what to think.

Part of me thinks this is ridiculous and I’m jealous of software.

Another part of me feels deeply unsettled that the most emotionally intimate conversations in his life might not actually be happening with me anymore.

Can emotional intimacy exist without a human on the other side?

And if your partner turns somewhere else first for validation, comfort, reflection, and understanding… does it matter whether that “someone” is real?

First of all, Marcus, I don’t think you’re insane.

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Dear The Work Within,

I’ve been seeing someone for almost eight months. We talk every day, spend most weekends together, and have met each other’s friends. He calls me when something good happens, and I’m usually the first person he turns to when something goes wrong too.

The confusing part is that neither of us has actually pushed for a relationship.

A few weeks ago, he told me he ‘isn’t really ready for labels’ because his last relationship ended badly and he values his independence. I told him I understood and honestly felt relieved hearing it, even though part of me was hurt.

But here’s the part I haven’t admitted to anyone:

I still have screenshots of my ex hidden in my camera roll. I compare everyone I date to him. Sometimes when this new guy gets too emotionally available, I feel myself pulling away or suddenly becoming critical of him. I’ve even caught myself feeling more attracted to him after periods where he becomes slightly distant.

Last weekend, he asked me jokingly, ‘What are we actually doing here?’ and instead of answering, I changed the subject and kissed him.

I keep telling myself I’m anxious because he won’t commit, but recently I’ve started wondering whether the ambiguity is protecting both of us.

So my question is:

Are situationships sometimes mutual avoidance?

Thanks for taking the time to share this with The Work Within. I know it takes a lot of courage to open up like this, and your level of self-awareness is impressive. First, let’s look at something important…

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